If you have it, you want to share it. If you
share it, you don't have it. What is it?
A secret.
The more you have of it, the less you see.
What is it?
Darkness
What book was once owned by only the
wealthy, but now everyone can have it?
You can't buy it in a bookstore or take it from a library.
A telephone book.
What gets whiter the dirtier that it gets?
A chalkboard
What happened in the middle of the twentieth
century that will not happen again for 4,000 years?
The year 1961 can be read upside
down and that won't happen again until 6009!
What has no beginning, end, or middle?
A doughnut.
What has to be broken before it can be used?
An egg.
What does no man want, yet no man wants to
lose?
Work - Employment
How many bricks does it take to complete a
building made of brick?
Only one, the last one.
What is everything to someone, and nothing
to everyone else?
Your mind.
Big as a biscuit, deep as a cup, even a
river can't fill it up. What is it?
A kitchen strainer.
What goes up and never comes down?
Your age.
What's the greatest worldwide use of
cowhide?
To cover cows.
What's long and thin, covered in skin; red
in parts, and put in tarts?
Rhubarb.
What has feet and legs, and nothing else?
Stockings
What is the moon worth?
$1, because it has 4 quarters.
What grows when it eats, but dies when it
drinks?
A candle.
What stays where it is when it goes off?
An alarm clock
You heard me before, yet you hear me again.
Then I die, 'til you call me again. What am I?
An echo
There is a man standing over a dead body in
a coffin, and another man walks in and asks, who's in the coffin. The first
man replies, brothers and sisters, I have none, but this man's father is my
fathers son. Who's in the coffin?
His son
There are 2 guards. One tells the truth and
one lies. There are also 2 doors. One leads to Heaven and the other leads to
the devils playground. One guard is in front of each door. You can only ask
the guards ONE question and you have to ask the same question to both guards.
What you are trying to find out is which door leads to Heaven and which door
leads to the devil's playground.
Ask each one "What will the
other one say is the door to heaven?" They should answer the same. Go in
the opposite door they say.
Two boxers are in a boxing match (regular
boxing, not kick boxing). The fight is scheduled for 12 rounds but ends after
6 rounds, after one boxer knocks out the other boxer. Yet no man throws a
punch. How is this possible?
They were women boxing.
A farmer had seventeen sheep, all but nine
died, how many did he have left?
9
A man builds a house with all 4 sides facing
south. A bear walks past the house. What color is the bear?
Probably a white Polar Bear in the
North Pole.
A skin have I, more eyes than one. I can be
very nice when I am done. What am I?
A potato
Before Mount Everest was discovered, what
was the highest mountain on Earth?
Mt.Everest
Can a man legally marry his widow's sister
in the state of California?
No, he's dead
Clara Clatter was born on December 27th, yet
her birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?
She lived in the southern
hemisphere.
He has married many women, but has never
been married. Who is he?
A preacher.
How many of each animal did Moses take on
the ark?
Moses didn’t make the ark, Noah did.
How many times can you subtract the number 5
from 25?
Once, because after you subtract
it's not 25 anymore.
How much dirt is in a hole 4 feet deep and 2
feet wide?
There is no dirt in a hole.
I know a word of letters three, add two and
fewer there will be.
Few
If a rooster laid a brown egg and a white
egg, what kind of chicks would hatch?
Roosters don't lay eggs.
If two's company and three's a crowd, what
are four and five?
9
If you were in a dark room with a candle, a
woodstove, a match and a gas lamp which do you light first?
The match
If you were standing directly on Antarcticas
South Pole facing north, which direction would you travel if you took one
step backward?
North
Is an old hundred dollar bill better than a
new one?
No, I'd rather have $100 bill than a
new $1 bill.
No sooner spoken than broken. What is it?
Silence or a promise.
Some months have 30 days, some months have
31 days; how many have 28?
Every month has at least 28 days.
Take off my skin -- I won't cry, but you
will! What am I?
An onion.
The more it dries, the wetter it gets. What
is it?
A towel.
The more you take, the more you leave
behind. What are they?
Foot steps.
There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is
five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13 sneakers. He has a wife and 2
kids. What does he weigh?
Meat
What can burn the eyes, sting the mouth, yet
be consumed?
Peppers
What can go up a chimney down but can't go
down a chimney up?
An umbrella.
What can go up and come down
without moving?
The temperature.
What can pass before the sun without making
a shadow?
The Earth.
What can you catch but not throw?
A cold.
What crime is punishable if attempted, but
is not punishable if committed?
Suicide
What do the numbers 11, 69, and 88 all have
in common?
They can all be flipped and still be
the same.
What do you serve that you can't eat?
A tennis ball or guests.
What do you throw out when you want to use
it, but take in when you don't want to use it?
A fishing line.
What goes up white and comes down yellow?
An egg.
What grows up while growing down?
A plant.
What one word has the most letters in it?
Alphabet.
What starts with a T, ends with a T, and has
T in it?
A teapot.
What travels around the world yet stays in
one corner?
A stamp.
What two words contain the most letters?
post office
What's the difference between here and
there?
The letter T.
Which is correct to say, "The yolk of
the egg are white," or "The yolk of the egg is white?"
Neither, because egg yolks are
yellow.
Which moves faster: heat or cold?
Heat, because you can catch a cold.
You answer me, although I never ask you
questions. What am I?
The telephone.
You can't keep this until you have given it.
Your word.
There is $21.00 in 1 dollar bills that has
to be split evenly among the 2 fathers and 2 sons. How is this possible?
There is only really three
people...a grandfather, the father, and the father's son who each get $7.
A Man walked up to his house and he heard
his wife scream " John Don't do it!" and the man ran inside and saw
his wife, dead on the floor. Around her was a Baker, Milkman, and a Doctor.
The man goes up to the Milkman and says "U did It!". How did the
man know he did it?
The baker and the doctor were both
women and John the milkman was the only guy.
What do you call a country, where all the
cars in it are pink?
A pink carnation.
There is an ancient invention still used in
some parts of the world today that allows people to see through walls. What
is it?
A Window
What question can someone ask all day long,
always get completely different answers, and yet all the answers could be
correct?
"What time is it?"
In a certain city, 5% of all the persons in
town have unlisted phone numbers. If you select 100 names at random from that
city's phone directory, how many people selected will have unlisted phone
numbers?
None. If their names are in the
phone directory, they do not have unlisted phone numbers!
There is a horse tied to a rope. The rope is
10 feet long. There is a bale of hay 23 feet in front of the horse. The horse
is able to eat the hay, yet does not break the rope. How is that possible?
The rope isn't tied to anything!
After a man had been blindfolded, someone
hung up his hat. The man walked 100 yards, turned around, and shot a bullet
through his hat. How is such a feat possible?
His hat was hung over the barrel of
the rifle!
At a posh restaurant I was having dinner
with a noted historian. We were discussing the relative merits of Woodrow
Wilson, when my friend turned to me and said, "I'll tell you all you
need to know about the character of Woodrow Wilson. Why when he ran for
president, his own mother didn't even vote for him!"
"Is that true?", I asked.
"Of course, it's true," he said. "I know whereof I
speak."
That ended the discussion. I didn't realize until I got home that, although
my friend spoke the truth, I had been tricked. How had I been mislead?
Of course Woodrow Wilson's mother
did not vote for her son. She couldn't. Women didn't have the right to vote
before 1920.
How is it possible to shave three times a
day and still grow a beard?
If you were a barber, you could
shave other men three times a day and still grow your own beard.
A man fell off a 20-foot ladder and landed
on the sidewalk, but he did not get hurt. Why not?
He fell off the bottom rung!
Why are 1980 pennies worth almost $20?
1,980 pennies equals $19.80, which
is almost $20.
Which is correct: 18 plus 19 is 36. Or 18
plus 19 are 36?
Actually neither is correct - 18
plus 19 is 37!
Is it physically possible for you to stand
behind your mother, and for your mother to stand behind you at the same time?
Yes, if you stand back to back.
In a marathon race what does the winning
runner lose?
Their breath!
Why didn't Beethoven finish the Unfinished
Symphony?
The Unfinished Symphony was started
by Schubert, not Beethoven!
What has holes but holds water?
A sponge
David's father has three sons : Snap,
Crackle and _____ ?
David
What is harder to catch the faster you run?
Your breath!
What is the beginning of eternity, the end
of time, and the beginning of every ending?
The letter "E".
What do some men have they don't want, but
would not part it for a million dollars?
A bald head.
A hundred feet in the air, but it's back is
on the ground.
What is it?
A centipede flipped over.
A father's child, a mother's child, yet no
one's son.
A Daughter.
Forward I am heavy, but backward I am not.
What am I?
Forward I am ton, backwards I am
not.
What do you fill with empty hands?
Gloves
What has a foot on each side and one in the
middle?
A yardstick.
What kind of coat can be put on only when
wet?
A coat of paint.
What object has keys that open no locks,
space but no room, and you can enter but not go in
A computer keyboard.
What is once in a minute, twice in a moment,
and never in a thousand years?
The letter M.
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