The Vegan Food Pyramid...
Friday 8 June 2012
Thursday 7 June 2012
Forget Your Troubles
Here Are Tips For Forgetting Your Troubles 
1. Shove the thought away. When you are reminded
of something you don’t want to think about, just refuse to go there.
Let your mind go blank rather than allowing it to make the connection.
Sound ridiculously simple? Research shows that many, if not most, of us
can will ourselves to forget in this way. The engine of such suppression
is your prefrontal cortex—the same region of the brain that puts brakes
on inappropriate actions. But just as some people are better at
blocking bad behavior than others, some are more proficient at memory
suppression than others. If you turn out to have loose reins on your
brain, you might need to practice or to use one of the other
tricks.
2. Push it back again—and again. If you want to
boost your chances of forgetting something for good, shove it out of
consciousness on a daily basis. In a month, it might be gone, if modern
psychology experiments are any guide. (Freud argued that such repressed
memories would come back to haunt us, but the jury is still out on this
idea.) Over a longer period, practicing this mental block might hone
your skill. People who have had to frequently block a traumatic
memory—loss of a parent, say, or their house burning down—to prevent it
from overwhelming them score higher on tests of memory suppression than
do people who have been lucky enough to have avoided significant
suffering. One explanation for this result is that practicing
suppression over the years makes you better at it.
3. Think of something else. Rather than just
willing an upsetting memory into the dustbin, replace it with a nicer
idea. So if seeing a Hawaiian lei reminds you of your ex drunk at a
party, try to link the lei with images of a sandy beach instead. People
who struggle to block memories—a group that usually includes people who
tend toward rumination or who suffer from depression—have more success
forgetting unwanted recollections if they find good substitutes for what
they want to put out of their minds.
4. Prepare for shutdown. Thinking about the need
to block associations ahead of time can boost your ability to do just
that. Even a second of advance warning can give your brain added
inhibitory power, research suggests. So if you have to see someone who
you think might bring back a difficult period in your life, tell
yourself before the date that you’ll be halting these thoughts before
they reach consciousness. The mental barricades you erect will be
sturdier with a little advance notice.
5. Just do it. When you sense a reminder of
something bad coming on, do something to distract you. Anything. Pick up
the phone. Walk around the block. Stomp your foot. Say hello to a
passerby. In one study, scientists found that pressing an enter key at
the moment of recall triggered forgetting.
6. Study. If your mind is awash in clutter, one
of the best ways to clear it out is to reinforce what you do want to
keep. When you study particular information, to learn it better, you
automatically forget closely related material. This phenomenon, called
retrieval-induced forgetting, efficiently tidies your mental closet.
7. See it another way. Sometimes we are upset
because we are interpreting a particular situation in the worst possible
light. If you can find way to see the same experience more positively,
you may be inadvertently inducing forgetting. That is, by reinforcing
the positive you are automatically toning down the negative in your
mind.
8. Walk through a doorway. Remarkably, this simple act closes the door on what happened just before.
Great Family Habits
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
( Stephen Covey husband, father, grandfather and author of the number-one
best-seller The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, shares secrets to building a
strong, close family )
HABIT 1: BE PROACTIVE
It is so easy to be reactive! You get caught Lip in the moment. You say things you dot* mean. You do things you later regret. And
you think, "If only I had stopped to think about it, I never would have reacted that
way!"
Family life would be a whole lot better if (people acted according to their values instead of reacting to the emotion or circumstance of the moment It's possible to develop a habit of learning to pause and give wiser responses. Proactively is the ability to act rather than react. I have a friend who makes a powerful proactive choice every day. When she comes home from work, she sits in her car in the driveway and pauses. She takes a minute to think about the members of her family and what they are doing inside the house She considers what kind of feeling she wants to help create when she goes, inside. She says to herself, "my family is the most enjoyable, the most pleasant, the most important part of my life. I'm going to go into my home and feel and communicate my love for them." Just think of the difference this makes in her family. And another friend told me this story, which shows Habit 1 in action:While my wife was out of the room, my three-year-old son Brenton emptied a one-and-a-half-gallon jug of water from the fridge-most of it onto the kitchen floor. My wife's initial reaction had been to yell at him. Instead, she stopped herself and said patiently, "Brenton, what were you trying to do?" "I was trying to be a helping man, Mom," he replied proudly. "What do you mean?" she asked. "I washed the dishes for you." Sure enough, there on the kitchen table were all the dishes he had washed with the water from the jug.
"Well, honey, why did you use the water from the fridge?"
"I couldn't reach the water from the sink."
"Oh!" my wife said. Then she looked around. "Well, what do you think you could do next time that would make less of a mess?"
He thought about it for a minute. Then his face lit up. "I could do it in the bathroom!"
"The dishes might break in the bathroom," she replied. "But how about this? What if you came and got me and I helped you move a chair in front of the kitchen sink so you could do the work there?" "Good idea!" he exclaimed. As my wife was telling me what had happened, I realized how important it was that she had been able to catch herself between stimulus and response. She had made a proactive choice.
One useful way to communicate the idea of proactivity is through an analogy I call the "emotional bank account." This account is like a financial one in that you can make "deposits"-things that build trust in the relationship-or "withdrawals" - things that decrease the level of trust. The balance in the account determines how well you can communicate and solve problems with another person.
One of the great benefits of being proactive is that you can choose to make deposits instead of withdrawals. No matter what the situation, there are always things you can choose to do that will make relationships better.
Little kindnesses go a long way toward building relationships of trust and unconditional love. just think about the impact in your own family of saying "thank you," "please" or "you go first." Or performing unexpected acts of service such as phoning to see if there's anything you can pick up at the store on your way home. Twelve hugs a day-that's what people need. Hugs can be physical, verbal, visual or environmental. And each one is a deposit in the emotional bank account.
You would be hard pressed to come up with a deposit that has more impact than making and keeping promises. just think about it! How much excitement, anticipation and hope is created by a promise?
Our daughter Cynthia shared this memory:
When I was twelve, Dad promised to take me with him on a business trip to San Francisco. I was so excited! After Dad's meetings, we planned to go to Chinatown for dinner, see a movie, take a ride on a trolley car, then go back to our hotel room for hot fudge sundaes from room service. I was dying with anticipation.
The day finally arrived. The hours dragged by as I waited at the hotel. Finally, at 6:30 p.m., Dad returned with a dear friend and influential business acquaintance. My heart sank as this man said, "I'm so delighted to have you here, Stephen. Tonight, Lois and I would like to take you to the wharf for a seafood dinner, and then you must see the view from our house." I could see my hopes and plans going down the drain.
I will never forget the feeling I had when Dad said, "Gosh, Bill, I'd love to, but this is a special time with my daughter. We've already got it planned to the minute."
We did absolutely everything we had planned. I don't think any young girl ever loved her father as much as I loved mine that night.
HABIT 2: BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND
With Habit 2, you create a clear, compelling vision of what your family is-and where you want to go together. The most profound, significant and far-reaching application of Habit 2 is the family mission statement. This is a combined, unified expression from all family members of what it is your family really wants to do and be-and the principles you choose to govern your family life. When children are young, they generally love to be included in the process of creating a mission statement. They love helping to create something that gives them this sense of family identity.
Our daughter Catherine, who's now grown and has children of her own, said:
Before my husband and I were married, we talked about what we wanted our home to be like, especially when we had children. It was out of these discussions that we wrote our family mission statement.
We have three children now, and although our mission statement has remained fundamentally the same, it has changed a little with each child. After we had two children, we had more perspective, and we were able to realize better how we wanted to raise our kids together-how we wanted them to be upstanding citizens in the community and so on.
The children have added things to our mission statement as well. Our oldest is six. She wants to make sure we tell lots of jokes in our family, so we have added that in for her.
Every New Year's Eve we work on our mission statement and write out our goals for the coming year. Our kids are very excited about the whole process. We post our mission statement and the children refer to it often. They say, "Mom, you're not supposed to raise your voice. Remember-'happy, cheerful tones in our home."' It's a big reminder.
Here's how to create a mission statement in your family.
Step One: Explore what your family is all about. Call a family meeting to introduce the idea and start the process. Keep it short: Ten fun minutes a week over a period of several weeks will be much more effective than one or two long, philosophical discussions. Be explicit with the idea that you want the mission statement to serve as a unifying and motivating influence for everyone in the family. Ask questions such as: What things are truly important to us as a family? What are our family's highest priority goals? What kind of relationships do we want to have with each other? What are our responsibilities as family members?
Step Two: Write your family mission statement. The process of writing crystallizes your thoughts and distills learning and insights into words. It also reinforces learning and makes the expression visible and available to everyone in the family.
Whatever you come up with at first will be a rough draft. Family members will need to work with it until everyone comes to an agreement: "This is our mission. We believe it. We buy into it. We are ready to commit to live it."
It doesn't have to be some magnificent verbal expression. It may be a word, a page, a document, even a song or a drawing. The only real criterion is that it represents everyone in the family and inspires you and brings you together.
Step Three: Stay on track. A mission statement is meant to be the constitution of your family life, the foundational document that will unify and hold your family together for decades-even generations-to come. One father told me: For our blended family, having a mission statement has been tremendously helpful. It gives us some common values and a common focus on where we're going. It reads: "Our family mission: To always be kind, respectful and supportive of each other, to be honest and open with each other, to keep a spiritual feeling in the home, to love each other unconditionally, to be responsible to live a happy, healthy and fulfilling life, to make this house a place we want to come home to."
We put the statement in a beautiful frame and hung it over the fireplace, and every week we have somebody share what one of those words or sentences means to him or her. It only takes two or three minutes, but it makes the mission statement come alive. We're also setting goals around the mission statement, making it a central part of our lives.
HABIT 3: PUT FIRST THINGS FIRST
There's no way we can be successful in our families if we don't prioritize them in our lives. And this is what Habit 3 is about.
There is probably no single structure that will help you to prioritize more than a weekly family night. On a typical night in our own family over the years, we would review our calendar of upcoming events, hold a council to discuss issues and problems, have a talent recital so the kids could show us how they were coming along with their music or dance lessons, do a short lesson and a family activity and serve refreshments. In this way, we'd accomplish what we've come to feel are the four main ingredients of a successful family night: planning, problem-solving, teaching and fun.
The second absolutely foundational family structure is the one-on-one bonding time. These one-on-ones are where most of the real work of the family is done. This is where the most significant sharing, the most profound teaching, the deepest bonding takes place. A mother of five sons said: The other day, I took My 22-year-old son out to lunch. As we ate together, we talked about his life, including his classes at school, his plans for the future, and so on. We had a wonderful time just being together. As I thought about it later, 1 realized this is something that didn't just happen. I started this one on-one tradition when the boys were in elementary school, and it's really made a difference. I don't think I could have this kind of time with my son now if we hadn’t started doing it when he was younger
The key to handling these challenges is to cultivate a family culture of mutual respect, understanding and creative cooperation. This is the essence of Habits 4, 5 and 6.
One father told this story: Our two boys were very competitive and squabbled frequently. Finally, I confronted the older boy about it. He abruptly announced, "The thing you don't get is that I can't stand my brother." 1 was shocked by the intensity of his feelings.
Then I asked the older boy to tell his brother what he'd told me. The younger boy was hurt by the cutting words. Blinking back tears, he looked down and quietly said, "Why?" His brother was quick with his answer: "Because you're always saying things that make me mad. I just don't want to be around you." The younger brother sighed. "I do that because every time we play a game you always win."
"Sure I do," the older boy quickly replied. "I'm better than you."
With that, the little boy could hardly speak. But he said, "Yeah, but every time you win, I lose. So I say things to bug you. I just cant stand to lose all the time."
These tearful words reached the heart of the older brother. The tone of his words softened as he said, "I'm sorry. But will you please just stop saying and doing the stupid things that make me so mad at you?"
"OK," the younger boy replied. "And will you stop feeling that you always have to win?"
I know I'll never forget my young son’s words. Losing all the time, or even most of the time, can make any of us say and do stupid things that bug others and even ourselves. No one likes to "lose" _especially in close family relationships. So win-win is the only solid foundation for effective family interaction. It's the only pattern of thinking and interacting that builds long-term relationships of trust and unconditional love. And all it takes to change the situation is for one person to think win-win. Thinking win-win means you have this spirit of win-win in all family interactions. You always want what's best for everyone involved.
Of course, there will be times when you'll have to say no to children. This doesn’t feel like a win to them. But if you cultivate the spirit of win-win whenever you can, children will better understand and accept those decisions that sometimes seem to them to be win-lose. There are several ways to achieve this.
* Let them win in the little things. In our family, if children want to go outside, get their clothes dirty or leave a cardboard fort in the house for weeks, we generally let them do it. We try to distinguish between matters of principle and matters of preference, and only take a stand on things that really count.
* Talk with them about the big things. That way they'll know you have their welfare in mind. Try to involve them in the problem and work out the solution together.
*Take steps to offset the competition focus. Recently, 1 went to watch our granddaughter play in an important soccer match, which ultimately ended in a tie. Her team was demoralized, and the coach was deeply disappointed also.
So I began to say enthusiastically, "Great game, kids! You had five goals-to try your best, to have fun, to work together as a team, to learn and to win. You accomplished four and a half of those goals. That's ninety Percent! Congratulations!"
You could just see their eyes brighten up. And it wasn't long until players, coach and parents were celebrating the four and a half goals these kids had achieved.
HABIT 5: SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND ... THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD
There's simply no way to have rich, rewarding family relationships without real understanding. Most mistakes with our family members are not the result of bad intent. It's just that we don't understand. We don't see clearly into each other's hearts.
Really listening to get inside another person's mind and heart is called "empathic" listening. It enables you to see as someone else sees-and it also helps family members feel safe in sharing, gets to the real issues and helps people connect with their own unique gifts.
Suppose that for several days, your teenage daughter has seemed unhappy. One night, while you're washing dishes together, she finally begins to open up: "Our family rule that I cant date until I'm older is embarrassing me to death. All my friends are dating. I feel like I'm out of it."
An empathic response would attempt to reflect back what your daughter feels and says, so that she would feel that you really understand. For example: "You kind of feel torn up inside. You understand the rule, but you feel embarrassed when you have to say no to dates. Is that what you mean?"
She might say yes and go on deeper into her feelings. Or she may say,
"Well, not exactly. What I really mean is..." \When you give an understanding response, you make it safe for her to open up. You make it comfortable for her to air the problem so that together you can search for solutions. And you build the relationship.
There are other expressions of empathy besides summarizing and reflecting. Sometimes total silence may be empathic; sometimes a nod or a single word is empathic. Empathy is a very flexible, sincere and humble process.
But there's more to Habit 5. It doesn't mean seek only to understand. It simply means that you listen and understand first. This is the key to .being understood and influencing others. When you are open to their influence, you'll almost always have greater influence with them. One woman shared this: My husband and I did not see eye to eye on spending. He wanted to buy things I felt were unnecessary and expensive. 1 couldn't explain to him the pain I felt as our debt mounted.
Final I decided to find a different way to express myself and influence the situation. I realized that my husband sometimes just didn't see the connection between his spending decisions and their consequences. So when he said, "lt. would really be nice to have (something)," I'd say, "You know, it would. Let's see what would happen if we bought that." I would take out the budget and say, "Now if we spend this, we won't have money to do that." When he truly saw the consequences of spending decisions, he often came to the conclusion him self that we were better off not buying the item in question. I also discovered that with some of the purchases he wanted to make, the benefits really did outweigh the drawbacks.
When people know they will have an opportunity to be fully heard, they can relax. They don't have to become over-reactive, because they know that their time to be understood will come. This dissipates negative energy and helps people develop internal patience and self-control.
This is one of the great strengths of Habit 5. Remember, the key is in the sequence: First you seek to understand another person's point of view; then you share your own. It's not just what to do. It's also why and when.
HABIT 6: SYNERGIZE
Synergy is the magic that happens when one plus one equals three-or more. It comes out of the spirit of mutual respect and understanding you've created and produces a brand-new way to solve a problem.
A friend recently told me a story that captures the essence of Habit 6:
After one week of practice, my son wanted to quit the high school basketball team. I was very disappointed. I worried that if he quit basketball he would just keep quitting things. My son didn't want to hear me at all. I was so upset I walked away.
Over the next two days, I wondered just what had made him want to quit. Finally, I decided to talk to him again. [Habit 5: seeking to understand.] At first he didn't even want to discuss it, so I asked him about other things. After some time, he began to tear up and he said,
"Dad, I know you think you understand me, but you don't. No one knows how rotten I feel."
I replied, "Pretty tough, huh?" [Habit 5: empathic listening.]
He then literally poured his heart out. He expressed his pain at constantly being compared to his brothers and said he felt I favored them, He also told me about the insecurities he felt- not only in basketball, but in all areas of his life. And he said he felt that he and I had somehow lost touch with each other.
His words really humbled me. I had the feeling that what he said about the comparisons with his brothers was true. I acknowledged my sorrow to him [Habit 1: proactivity, and-with much emotion--I apologized.
But I also told him that I still thought he would benefit from being on the team. He listened patiently, but he would not budge from his decision. Finally, I asked him if he liked basketball. He said he loved it, but he disliked all the pressure associated with playing for the school team. He said that instead, he would really like to play for the church team-but that team's coach had just moved away.
I found myself feeling good about what he was saying. I was still a little disappointed that he wouldn't be on the school team, but I was glad that he still wanted to play [Habits 4 and 5: win-win thinking and effort to understand].
At that point, almost by magic, a new idea came into both of our minds at the same time. In unison we said, "I/You could coach the church team!" [Habit 6: synergy and a new alternative solution]. The weeks I spent as the coach of that team were among the happiest of my athletic experiences. And they provided some of my most memorable experiences as a father.
This father and son seemed locked in a win-lose situation. But then the father made an important shift. He sought to really understand his son. Together they came up with a better way-an entirely new solution that was a true win for both.
The key to synergy is to celebrate the difference. It's not enough to simply tolerate differences in the family. To have the kind of creative magic we're talking about, you must be able to say sincerely, "The fact that we see things differently is a strength-not a weakness-in our relationship."
Synergy also helps you to create a culture in which you can successfully deal with any challenge you might face. The culture created by Habits 4, 5 and 6 is like an immune system. It protects your family so that when mistakes are made, or when you get blindsided by some physical, financial or social challenge, you don't get knocked out. You can deal with whatever life throws at you and use it to make the family stronger.
HABIT 7: SHARPEN THE SAW
If done properly, consistently and in a balanced way, Habit 7 will cultivate all of the other six habits and keep them strong and vibrant. How? Simply by using them in renewing activities-especially, family traditions. That's what we mean by "sharpening the saw."
Traditions give family members a sense of belonging, of being understood, of being supported, of being committed to something that's greater than self. And the family renews the emotional energy of a tradition every time they revisit it.
Think of all the opportunities for fulfilling traditions:
0 Family dinners. You may have only one good meal together each week, but if it is meaningful and fun, the family table can become more of an altar than an eating counter.
0 Family vacations. Planning for a vacation, anticipating it and thinking about it-as well as laughing about the fun times and the dumb times we had on past vacations-are enormously rewarding to our family.
*Extended and intergenerational family activities. Aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and other extended family members can have a tremendous positive influence. Broaden almost any activity, such as Sunday dinner, to include them.
*Worshipping together. Research shows that shared worship is one of the characteristics of healthy, happy families. It can create context, unity and mutual understanding- much in the same way that a family mission statement does.
*Serving together. This tradition can be tremendously renewing. Can you imagine anything more bonding, more unifying, more energizing than working together to accomplish something that is really meaningful and worthwhile?
*Working together. There are many ways to create the tradition of working together, at home or in a parent's place of business-and many benefits of doing it. Our daughter Catherine remembered:
One tradition we had in our family was the "ten-minute program." That meant that everyone would work really hard for ten minutes to clean up the house. We all knew that if we had eighteen hands working, it would go a lot faster than two.
We also had "work parties." We'd work really hard for three or four hours to get something done, but we'd have food and laugh and talk as we worked. We'd also do something fun after, like go to a movie. Everyone expected they'd have to work. It was just part of life. But it was so much better with these little treats. As your family works together on Habit 7 and all the other habits, remember: Like a new pair of glasses or a new, more accurate map-the 7 Habits framework can help you to see and communicate more clearly, and will help you to arrive where you, as a family, want to go.
Family life would be a whole lot better if (people acted according to their values instead of reacting to the emotion or circumstance of the moment It's possible to develop a habit of learning to pause and give wiser responses. Proactively is the ability to act rather than react. I have a friend who makes a powerful proactive choice every day. When she comes home from work, she sits in her car in the driveway and pauses. She takes a minute to think about the members of her family and what they are doing inside the house She considers what kind of feeling she wants to help create when she goes, inside. She says to herself, "my family is the most enjoyable, the most pleasant, the most important part of my life. I'm going to go into my home and feel and communicate my love for them." Just think of the difference this makes in her family. And another friend told me this story, which shows Habit 1 in action:While my wife was out of the room, my three-year-old son Brenton emptied a one-and-a-half-gallon jug of water from the fridge-most of it onto the kitchen floor. My wife's initial reaction had been to yell at him. Instead, she stopped herself and said patiently, "Brenton, what were you trying to do?" "I was trying to be a helping man, Mom," he replied proudly. "What do you mean?" she asked. "I washed the dishes for you." Sure enough, there on the kitchen table were all the dishes he had washed with the water from the jug.
"Well, honey, why did you use the water from the fridge?"
"I couldn't reach the water from the sink."
"Oh!" my wife said. Then she looked around. "Well, what do you think you could do next time that would make less of a mess?"
He thought about it for a minute. Then his face lit up. "I could do it in the bathroom!"
"The dishes might break in the bathroom," she replied. "But how about this? What if you came and got me and I helped you move a chair in front of the kitchen sink so you could do the work there?" "Good idea!" he exclaimed. As my wife was telling me what had happened, I realized how important it was that she had been able to catch herself between stimulus and response. She had made a proactive choice.
One useful way to communicate the idea of proactivity is through an analogy I call the "emotional bank account." This account is like a financial one in that you can make "deposits"-things that build trust in the relationship-or "withdrawals" - things that decrease the level of trust. The balance in the account determines how well you can communicate and solve problems with another person.
One of the great benefits of being proactive is that you can choose to make deposits instead of withdrawals. No matter what the situation, there are always things you can choose to do that will make relationships better.
Little kindnesses go a long way toward building relationships of trust and unconditional love. just think about the impact in your own family of saying "thank you," "please" or "you go first." Or performing unexpected acts of service such as phoning to see if there's anything you can pick up at the store on your way home. Twelve hugs a day-that's what people need. Hugs can be physical, verbal, visual or environmental. And each one is a deposit in the emotional bank account.
You would be hard pressed to come up with a deposit that has more impact than making and keeping promises. just think about it! How much excitement, anticipation and hope is created by a promise?
Our daughter Cynthia shared this memory:
When I was twelve, Dad promised to take me with him on a business trip to San Francisco. I was so excited! After Dad's meetings, we planned to go to Chinatown for dinner, see a movie, take a ride on a trolley car, then go back to our hotel room for hot fudge sundaes from room service. I was dying with anticipation.
The day finally arrived. The hours dragged by as I waited at the hotel. Finally, at 6:30 p.m., Dad returned with a dear friend and influential business acquaintance. My heart sank as this man said, "I'm so delighted to have you here, Stephen. Tonight, Lois and I would like to take you to the wharf for a seafood dinner, and then you must see the view from our house." I could see my hopes and plans going down the drain.
I will never forget the feeling I had when Dad said, "Gosh, Bill, I'd love to, but this is a special time with my daughter. We've already got it planned to the minute."
We did absolutely everything we had planned. I don't think any young girl ever loved her father as much as I loved mine that night.
HABIT 2: BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND
With Habit 2, you create a clear, compelling vision of what your family is-and where you want to go together. The most profound, significant and far-reaching application of Habit 2 is the family mission statement. This is a combined, unified expression from all family members of what it is your family really wants to do and be-and the principles you choose to govern your family life. When children are young, they generally love to be included in the process of creating a mission statement. They love helping to create something that gives them this sense of family identity.
Our daughter Catherine, who's now grown and has children of her own, said:
Before my husband and I were married, we talked about what we wanted our home to be like, especially when we had children. It was out of these discussions that we wrote our family mission statement.
We have three children now, and although our mission statement has remained fundamentally the same, it has changed a little with each child. After we had two children, we had more perspective, and we were able to realize better how we wanted to raise our kids together-how we wanted them to be upstanding citizens in the community and so on.
The children have added things to our mission statement as well. Our oldest is six. She wants to make sure we tell lots of jokes in our family, so we have added that in for her.
Every New Year's Eve we work on our mission statement and write out our goals for the coming year. Our kids are very excited about the whole process. We post our mission statement and the children refer to it often. They say, "Mom, you're not supposed to raise your voice. Remember-'happy, cheerful tones in our home."' It's a big reminder.
Here's how to create a mission statement in your family.
Step One: Explore what your family is all about. Call a family meeting to introduce the idea and start the process. Keep it short: Ten fun minutes a week over a period of several weeks will be much more effective than one or two long, philosophical discussions. Be explicit with the idea that you want the mission statement to serve as a unifying and motivating influence for everyone in the family. Ask questions such as: What things are truly important to us as a family? What are our family's highest priority goals? What kind of relationships do we want to have with each other? What are our responsibilities as family members?
Step Two: Write your family mission statement. The process of writing crystallizes your thoughts and distills learning and insights into words. It also reinforces learning and makes the expression visible and available to everyone in the family.
Whatever you come up with at first will be a rough draft. Family members will need to work with it until everyone comes to an agreement: "This is our mission. We believe it. We buy into it. We are ready to commit to live it."
It doesn't have to be some magnificent verbal expression. It may be a word, a page, a document, even a song or a drawing. The only real criterion is that it represents everyone in the family and inspires you and brings you together.
Step Three: Stay on track. A mission statement is meant to be the constitution of your family life, the foundational document that will unify and hold your family together for decades-even generations-to come. One father told me: For our blended family, having a mission statement has been tremendously helpful. It gives us some common values and a common focus on where we're going. It reads: "Our family mission: To always be kind, respectful and supportive of each other, to be honest and open with each other, to keep a spiritual feeling in the home, to love each other unconditionally, to be responsible to live a happy, healthy and fulfilling life, to make this house a place we want to come home to."
We put the statement in a beautiful frame and hung it over the fireplace, and every week we have somebody share what one of those words or sentences means to him or her. It only takes two or three minutes, but it makes the mission statement come alive. We're also setting goals around the mission statement, making it a central part of our lives.
HABIT 3: PUT FIRST THINGS FIRST
There's no way we can be successful in our families if we don't prioritize them in our lives. And this is what Habit 3 is about.
There is probably no single structure that will help you to prioritize more than a weekly family night. On a typical night in our own family over the years, we would review our calendar of upcoming events, hold a council to discuss issues and problems, have a talent recital so the kids could show us how they were coming along with their music or dance lessons, do a short lesson and a family activity and serve refreshments. In this way, we'd accomplish what we've come to feel are the four main ingredients of a successful family night: planning, problem-solving, teaching and fun.
The second absolutely foundational family structure is the one-on-one bonding time. These one-on-ones are where most of the real work of the family is done. This is where the most significant sharing, the most profound teaching, the deepest bonding takes place. A mother of five sons said: The other day, I took My 22-year-old son out to lunch. As we ate together, we talked about his life, including his classes at school, his plans for the future, and so on. We had a wonderful time just being together. As I thought about it later, 1 realized this is something that didn't just happen. I started this one on-one tradition when the boys were in elementary school, and it's really made a difference. I don't think I could have this kind of time with my son now if we hadn’t started doing it when he was younger
HABIT 4 THINK "WIN-WIN"
As we move toward our destination as a family, we're sometimes thrown off track by
external forces. But the force that does the greatest damage is the climate created within
the family by negative emotions-competition, criticism, blaming, anger.The key to handling these challenges is to cultivate a family culture of mutual respect, understanding and creative cooperation. This is the essence of Habits 4, 5 and 6.
One father told this story: Our two boys were very competitive and squabbled frequently. Finally, I confronted the older boy about it. He abruptly announced, "The thing you don't get is that I can't stand my brother." 1 was shocked by the intensity of his feelings.
Then I asked the older boy to tell his brother what he'd told me. The younger boy was hurt by the cutting words. Blinking back tears, he looked down and quietly said, "Why?" His brother was quick with his answer: "Because you're always saying things that make me mad. I just don't want to be around you." The younger brother sighed. "I do that because every time we play a game you always win."
"Sure I do," the older boy quickly replied. "I'm better than you."
With that, the little boy could hardly speak. But he said, "Yeah, but every time you win, I lose. So I say things to bug you. I just cant stand to lose all the time."
These tearful words reached the heart of the older brother. The tone of his words softened as he said, "I'm sorry. But will you please just stop saying and doing the stupid things that make me so mad at you?"
"OK," the younger boy replied. "And will you stop feeling that you always have to win?"
I know I'll never forget my young son’s words. Losing all the time, or even most of the time, can make any of us say and do stupid things that bug others and even ourselves. No one likes to "lose" _especially in close family relationships. So win-win is the only solid foundation for effective family interaction. It's the only pattern of thinking and interacting that builds long-term relationships of trust and unconditional love. And all it takes to change the situation is for one person to think win-win. Thinking win-win means you have this spirit of win-win in all family interactions. You always want what's best for everyone involved.
Of course, there will be times when you'll have to say no to children. This doesn’t feel like a win to them. But if you cultivate the spirit of win-win whenever you can, children will better understand and accept those decisions that sometimes seem to them to be win-lose. There are several ways to achieve this.
* Let them win in the little things. In our family, if children want to go outside, get their clothes dirty or leave a cardboard fort in the house for weeks, we generally let them do it. We try to distinguish between matters of principle and matters of preference, and only take a stand on things that really count.
* Talk with them about the big things. That way they'll know you have their welfare in mind. Try to involve them in the problem and work out the solution together.
*Take steps to offset the competition focus. Recently, 1 went to watch our granddaughter play in an important soccer match, which ultimately ended in a tie. Her team was demoralized, and the coach was deeply disappointed also.
So I began to say enthusiastically, "Great game, kids! You had five goals-to try your best, to have fun, to work together as a team, to learn and to win. You accomplished four and a half of those goals. That's ninety Percent! Congratulations!"
You could just see their eyes brighten up. And it wasn't long until players, coach and parents were celebrating the four and a half goals these kids had achieved.
HABIT 5: SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND ... THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD
There's simply no way to have rich, rewarding family relationships without real understanding. Most mistakes with our family members are not the result of bad intent. It's just that we don't understand. We don't see clearly into each other's hearts.
Really listening to get inside another person's mind and heart is called "empathic" listening. It enables you to see as someone else sees-and it also helps family members feel safe in sharing, gets to the real issues and helps people connect with their own unique gifts.
Suppose that for several days, your teenage daughter has seemed unhappy. One night, while you're washing dishes together, she finally begins to open up: "Our family rule that I cant date until I'm older is embarrassing me to death. All my friends are dating. I feel like I'm out of it."
An empathic response would attempt to reflect back what your daughter feels and says, so that she would feel that you really understand. For example: "You kind of feel torn up inside. You understand the rule, but you feel embarrassed when you have to say no to dates. Is that what you mean?"
She might say yes and go on deeper into her feelings. Or she may say,
"Well, not exactly. What I really mean is..." \When you give an understanding response, you make it safe for her to open up. You make it comfortable for her to air the problem so that together you can search for solutions. And you build the relationship.
There are other expressions of empathy besides summarizing and reflecting. Sometimes total silence may be empathic; sometimes a nod or a single word is empathic. Empathy is a very flexible, sincere and humble process.
But there's more to Habit 5. It doesn't mean seek only to understand. It simply means that you listen and understand first. This is the key to .being understood and influencing others. When you are open to their influence, you'll almost always have greater influence with them. One woman shared this: My husband and I did not see eye to eye on spending. He wanted to buy things I felt were unnecessary and expensive. 1 couldn't explain to him the pain I felt as our debt mounted.
Final I decided to find a different way to express myself and influence the situation. I realized that my husband sometimes just didn't see the connection between his spending decisions and their consequences. So when he said, "lt. would really be nice to have (something)," I'd say, "You know, it would. Let's see what would happen if we bought that." I would take out the budget and say, "Now if we spend this, we won't have money to do that." When he truly saw the consequences of spending decisions, he often came to the conclusion him self that we were better off not buying the item in question. I also discovered that with some of the purchases he wanted to make, the benefits really did outweigh the drawbacks.
When people know they will have an opportunity to be fully heard, they can relax. They don't have to become over-reactive, because they know that their time to be understood will come. This dissipates negative energy and helps people develop internal patience and self-control.
This is one of the great strengths of Habit 5. Remember, the key is in the sequence: First you seek to understand another person's point of view; then you share your own. It's not just what to do. It's also why and when.
HABIT 6: SYNERGIZE
Synergy is the magic that happens when one plus one equals three-or more. It comes out of the spirit of mutual respect and understanding you've created and produces a brand-new way to solve a problem.
A friend recently told me a story that captures the essence of Habit 6:
After one week of practice, my son wanted to quit the high school basketball team. I was very disappointed. I worried that if he quit basketball he would just keep quitting things. My son didn't want to hear me at all. I was so upset I walked away.
Over the next two days, I wondered just what had made him want to quit. Finally, I decided to talk to him again. [Habit 5: seeking to understand.] At first he didn't even want to discuss it, so I asked him about other things. After some time, he began to tear up and he said,
"Dad, I know you think you understand me, but you don't. No one knows how rotten I feel."
I replied, "Pretty tough, huh?" [Habit 5: empathic listening.]
He then literally poured his heart out. He expressed his pain at constantly being compared to his brothers and said he felt I favored them, He also told me about the insecurities he felt- not only in basketball, but in all areas of his life. And he said he felt that he and I had somehow lost touch with each other.
His words really humbled me. I had the feeling that what he said about the comparisons with his brothers was true. I acknowledged my sorrow to him [Habit 1: proactivity, and-with much emotion--I apologized.
But I also told him that I still thought he would benefit from being on the team. He listened patiently, but he would not budge from his decision. Finally, I asked him if he liked basketball. He said he loved it, but he disliked all the pressure associated with playing for the school team. He said that instead, he would really like to play for the church team-but that team's coach had just moved away.
I found myself feeling good about what he was saying. I was still a little disappointed that he wouldn't be on the school team, but I was glad that he still wanted to play [Habits 4 and 5: win-win thinking and effort to understand].
At that point, almost by magic, a new idea came into both of our minds at the same time. In unison we said, "I/You could coach the church team!" [Habit 6: synergy and a new alternative solution]. The weeks I spent as the coach of that team were among the happiest of my athletic experiences. And they provided some of my most memorable experiences as a father.
This father and son seemed locked in a win-lose situation. But then the father made an important shift. He sought to really understand his son. Together they came up with a better way-an entirely new solution that was a true win for both.
The key to synergy is to celebrate the difference. It's not enough to simply tolerate differences in the family. To have the kind of creative magic we're talking about, you must be able to say sincerely, "The fact that we see things differently is a strength-not a weakness-in our relationship."
Synergy also helps you to create a culture in which you can successfully deal with any challenge you might face. The culture created by Habits 4, 5 and 6 is like an immune system. It protects your family so that when mistakes are made, or when you get blindsided by some physical, financial or social challenge, you don't get knocked out. You can deal with whatever life throws at you and use it to make the family stronger.
HABIT 7: SHARPEN THE SAW
If done properly, consistently and in a balanced way, Habit 7 will cultivate all of the other six habits and keep them strong and vibrant. How? Simply by using them in renewing activities-especially, family traditions. That's what we mean by "sharpening the saw."
Traditions give family members a sense of belonging, of being understood, of being supported, of being committed to something that's greater than self. And the family renews the emotional energy of a tradition every time they revisit it.
Think of all the opportunities for fulfilling traditions:
0 Family dinners. You may have only one good meal together each week, but if it is meaningful and fun, the family table can become more of an altar than an eating counter.
0 Family vacations. Planning for a vacation, anticipating it and thinking about it-as well as laughing about the fun times and the dumb times we had on past vacations-are enormously rewarding to our family.
*Extended and intergenerational family activities. Aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and other extended family members can have a tremendous positive influence. Broaden almost any activity, such as Sunday dinner, to include them.
*Worshipping together. Research shows that shared worship is one of the characteristics of healthy, happy families. It can create context, unity and mutual understanding- much in the same way that a family mission statement does.
*Serving together. This tradition can be tremendously renewing. Can you imagine anything more bonding, more unifying, more energizing than working together to accomplish something that is really meaningful and worthwhile?
*Working together. There are many ways to create the tradition of working together, at home or in a parent's place of business-and many benefits of doing it. Our daughter Catherine remembered:
One tradition we had in our family was the "ten-minute program." That meant that everyone would work really hard for ten minutes to clean up the house. We all knew that if we had eighteen hands working, it would go a lot faster than two.
We also had "work parties." We'd work really hard for three or four hours to get something done, but we'd have food and laugh and talk as we worked. We'd also do something fun after, like go to a movie. Everyone expected they'd have to work. It was just part of life. But it was so much better with these little treats. As your family works together on Habit 7 and all the other habits, remember: Like a new pair of glasses or a new, more accurate map-the 7 Habits framework can help you to see and communicate more clearly, and will help you to arrive where you, as a family, want to go.
Saturday 19 May 2012
The Greatest Gift
The Gift of a Lifetime
By Claire Cloninger & Kathy Frizzell
By Claire Cloninger & Kathy Frizzell
Before I looked for You
You found me
Before I knew Your name
You knew mine
Before I spoke the prayer
Your precious gift was there
One I never thought I'd find
Chorus
The gift of a lifetime
That's what You gave
Your life as an offering
My life to save
Turning my song of tears
To an anthem of praise
For the gift that You gave
The lift of a lifetime.
It's more than just Your
Hand of blessing
It's who You are
Yourself that I need
And with an open heart
I now receive You Lord
And the life You bring to me
Chorus
The gift of a lifetime
That's what You gave
Your life as an offering
My life to save
Turning my song of tears
To an anthem of praise
For the gift that You gave
The gift of a lifetime
Into the pain that I
Thought I could hide
You brought the gift
Of Your very life
Chorus
The gift of a lifetime
That's what You gave
Your life as an offering
My life to save
Turning my song of tears
To an anthem of praise
For the gift that You gave
The gift that You gave
The gift of a lifetime
That's what You gave
Your life as an offering
My life to save
Turning my song of tears
To an anthem of praise
For the gift that You gave
Is the gift of a lifetime
I'll lift this anthem of praise
For the gift that You gave
The gift of a lifetime
A lifetime
You found me
Before I knew Your name
You knew mine
Before I spoke the prayer
Your precious gift was there
One I never thought I'd find
Chorus
The gift of a lifetime
That's what You gave
Your life as an offering
My life to save
Turning my song of tears
To an anthem of praise
For the gift that You gave
The lift of a lifetime.
It's more than just Your
Hand of blessing
It's who You are
Yourself that I need
And with an open heart
I now receive You Lord
And the life You bring to me
Chorus
The gift of a lifetime
That's what You gave
Your life as an offering
My life to save
Turning my song of tears
To an anthem of praise
For the gift that You gave
The gift of a lifetime
Into the pain that I
Thought I could hide
You brought the gift
Of Your very life
Chorus
The gift of a lifetime
That's what You gave
Your life as an offering
My life to save
Turning my song of tears
To an anthem of praise
For the gift that You gave
The gift that You gave
The gift of a lifetime
That's what You gave
Your life as an offering
My life to save
Turning my song of tears
To an anthem of praise
For the gift that You gave
Is the gift of a lifetime
I'll lift this anthem of praise
For the gift that You gave
The gift of a lifetime
A lifetime
Thursday 17 May 2012
Intresting Riddles
A secret.
The more you have of it, the less you see.
What is it?
Darkness
What book was once owned by only the
wealthy, but now everyone can have it?
You can't buy it in a bookstore or take it from a library. A telephone book.
What gets whiter the dirtier that it gets?
A chalkboard
What happened in the middle of the twentieth
century that will not happen again for 4,000 years?
The year 1961 can be read upside down and that won't happen again until 6009!
What has no beginning, end, or middle?
A doughnut.
What has to be broken before it can be used?
An egg.
What does no man want, yet no man wants to
lose?
Work - Employment
How many bricks does it take to complete a
building made of brick?
Only one, the last one.
What is everything to someone, and nothing
to everyone else?
Your mind.
Big as a biscuit, deep as a cup, even a
river can't fill it up. What is it?
A kitchen strainer.
What goes up and never comes down?
Your age.
What's the greatest worldwide use of
cowhide?
To cover cows.
What's long and thin, covered in skin; red
in parts, and put in tarts?
Rhubarb.
What has feet and legs, and nothing else?
Stockings
What is the moon worth?
$1, because it has 4 quarters.
What grows when it eats, but dies when it
drinks?
A candle.
What stays where it is when it goes off?
An alarm clock
You heard me before, yet you hear me again.
Then I die, 'til you call me again. What am I?
An echo
There is a man standing over a dead body in
a coffin, and another man walks in and asks, who's in the coffin. The first
man replies, brothers and sisters, I have none, but this man's father is my
fathers son. Who's in the coffin?
His son
There are 2 guards. One tells the truth and
one lies. There are also 2 doors. One leads to Heaven and the other leads to
the devils playground. One guard is in front of each door. You can only ask
the guards ONE question and you have to ask the same question to both guards.
What you are trying to find out is which door leads to Heaven and which door
leads to the devil's playground.
Ask each one "What will the other one say is the door to heaven?" They should answer the same. Go in the opposite door they say.
Two boxers are in a boxing match (regular
boxing, not kick boxing). The fight is scheduled for 12 rounds but ends after
6 rounds, after one boxer knocks out the other boxer. Yet no man throws a
punch. How is this possible?
They were women boxing.
A farmer had seventeen sheep, all but nine
died, how many did he have left?
9
A man builds a house with all 4 sides facing
south. A bear walks past the house. What color is the bear?
Probably a white Polar Bear in the North Pole.
A skin have I, more eyes than one. I can be
very nice when I am done. What am I?
A potato 
Before Mount Everest was discovered, what
was the highest mountain on Earth?
Mt.Everest
Can a man legally marry his widow's sister
in the state of California?
No, he's dead
Clara Clatter was born on December 27th, yet
her birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?
She lived in the southern hemisphere.
He has married many women, but has never
been married. Who is he?
A preacher.
How many of each animal did Moses take on
the ark?
Moses didn’t make the ark, Noah did.
How many times can you subtract the number 5
from 25?
Once, because after you subtract it's not 25 anymore.
How much dirt is in a hole 4 feet deep and 2
feet wide?
There is no dirt in a hole.
I know a word of letters three, add two and
fewer there will be.
Few
If a rooster laid a brown egg and a white
egg, what kind of chicks would hatch?
Roosters don't lay eggs.
If two's company and three's a crowd, what
are four and five?
9
If you were in a dark room with a candle, a
woodstove, a match and a gas lamp which do you light first?
The match
If you were standing directly on Antarcticas
South Pole facing north, which direction would you travel if you took one
step backward?
North
Is an old hundred dollar bill better than a
new one?
No, I'd rather have $100 bill than a new $1 bill.
No sooner spoken than broken. What is it?
Silence or a promise.
Some months have 30 days, some months have
31 days; how many have 28?
Every month has at least 28 days.
Take off my skin -- I won't cry, but you
will! What am I?
An onion.
The more it dries, the wetter it gets. What
is it?
A towel.
The more you take, the more you leave
behind. What are they?
Foot steps.
There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is
five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13 sneakers. He has a wife and 2
kids. What does he weigh?
Meat
What can burn the eyes, sting the mouth, yet
be consumed?
Peppers
What can go up a chimney down but can't go
down a chimney up?
An umbrella.
What can go up and come down
without moving?
The temperature.
What can pass before the sun without making
a shadow?
The Earth.
What can you catch but not throw?
A cold.
What crime is punishable if attempted, but
is not punishable if committed?
Suicide
What do the numbers 11, 69, and 88 all have
in common?
They can all be flipped and still be the same.
What do you serve that you can't eat?
A tennis ball or guests.
What do you throw out when you want to use
it, but take in when you don't want to use it?
A fishing line.
What goes up white and comes down yellow?
An egg.
What grows up while growing down?
A plant.
What one word has the most letters in it?
Alphabet.
What starts with a T, ends with a T, and has
T in it?
A teapot.
What travels around the world yet stays in
one corner?
A stamp.
What two words contain the most letters?
post office
What's the difference between here and
there?
The letter T.
Which is correct to say, "The yolk of
the egg are white," or "The yolk of the egg is white?"
Neither, because egg yolks are yellow.
Which moves faster: heat or cold?
Heat, because you can catch a cold.
You answer me, although I never ask you
questions. What am I?
The telephone.  Your word.
There is $21.00 in 1 dollar bills that has
to be split evenly among the 2 fathers and 2 sons. How is this possible?
There is only really three people...a grandfather, the father, and the father's son who each get $7.
A Man walked up to his house and he heard
his wife scream " John Don't do it!" and the man ran inside and saw
his wife, dead on the floor. Around her was a Baker, Milkman, and a Doctor.
The man goes up to the Milkman and says "U did It!". How did the
man know he did it?
The baker and the doctor were both women and John the milkman was the only guy.
What do you call a country, where all the
cars in it are pink?
A pink carnation.
There is an ancient invention still used in
some parts of the world today that allows people to see through walls. What
is it?
A Window
What question can someone ask all day long,
always get completely different answers, and yet all the answers could be
correct?
"What time is it?"
In a certain city, 5% of all the persons in
town have unlisted phone numbers. If you select 100 names at random from that
city's phone directory, how many people selected will have unlisted phone
numbers?
None. If their names are in the phone directory, they do not have unlisted phone numbers!
There is a horse tied to a rope. The rope is
10 feet long. There is a bale of hay 23 feet in front of the horse. The horse
is able to eat the hay, yet does not break the rope. How is that possible?
The rope isn't tied to anything!
After a man had been blindfolded, someone
hung up his hat. The man walked 100 yards, turned around, and shot a bullet
through his hat. How is such a feat possible?
His hat was hung over the barrel of the rifle!
At a posh restaurant I was having dinner
with a noted historian. We were discussing the relative merits of Woodrow
Wilson, when my friend turned to me and said, "I'll tell you all you
need to know about the character of Woodrow Wilson. Why when he ran for
president, his own mother didn't even vote for him!"
"Is that true?", I asked. "Of course, it's true," he said. "I know whereof I speak." That ended the discussion. I didn't realize until I got home that, although my friend spoke the truth, I had been tricked. How had I been mislead? Of course Woodrow Wilson's mother did not vote for her son. She couldn't. Women didn't have the right to vote before 1920.
How is it possible to shave three times a
day and still grow a beard?
If you were a barber, you could shave other men three times a day and still grow your own beard.
A man fell off a 20-foot ladder and landed
on the sidewalk, but he did not get hurt. Why not?
He fell off the bottom rung!
Why are 1980 pennies worth almost $20?
1,980 pennies equals $19.80, which is almost $20.
Which is correct: 18 plus 19 is 36. Or 18
plus 19 are 36?
Actually neither is correct - 18 plus 19 is 37!
Is it physically possible for you to stand
behind your mother, and for your mother to stand behind you at the same time?
Yes, if you stand back to back.
In a marathon race what does the winning
runner lose?
Their breath!
Why didn't Beethoven finish the Unfinished
Symphony?
The Unfinished Symphony was started by Schubert, not Beethoven!
What has holes but holds water?
A sponge
David's father has three sons : Snap,
Crackle and _____ ?
David
What is harder to catch the faster you run?
Your breath!
What is the beginning of eternity, the end
of time, and the beginning of every ending?
The letter "E".
What do some men have they don't want, but
would not part it for a million dollars?
A bald head.
A hundred feet in the air, but it's back is
on the ground.
What is it? A centipede flipped over.
A father's child, a mother's child, yet no
one's son.
A Daughter.
Forward I am heavy, but backward I am not.
What am I? Forward I am ton, backwards I am not.
What do you fill with empty hands?
Gloves
What has a foot on each side and one in the
middle?
A yardstick.
What kind of coat can be put on only when
wet?
A coat of paint.
What object has keys that open no locks,
space but no room, and you can enter but not go in
A computer keyboard.
What is once in a minute, twice in a moment,
and never in a thousand years?
The letter M. |
Friday 11 May 2012
Tuesday 8 May 2012
God’s Guidance
God's Promises for His People
By Mark A. Finley
Have you ever wondered how we can be certain of God’s guidance in the decisions we make? What are the principles of receiving guidance from God? How can we be sure we are following His will and not our own? In today’s lesson we will explore four biblical principles in receiving guidance from God. We will discover an all-knowing God who longs to guide His children in their decisions, and how we can be open to understand His will and let Him lead in our lives.
1. What three things does God promise to do for us? Read the text below and write your answer on the lines provided.
“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye” (Ps. 32:8).
God promises to
(a) ________________________________________ you,
(b) ________________________________________ you,
(c) ________________________________________ you.
2. How constant is God’s guidance? Write your answer in the following blank.
“For this is God, our God forever and ever; He will be our guide even to death” (Ps. 48:14).
God promises to guide us each day of our lives, even to ________________________________.
PRINCIPLE 1—PRAYER
3. What invitation did God give us to receive His guidance?
“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him” (James 1:5).
God invites us to ask for (what) _____________________________________________________
and He will give it (how) _________________________________________________________ .
There may be times when we pray regarding a decision and wonder whether or not we actually are receiving an answer from God or simply following our own desires. God’s answers generally come in the form of growing convictions, not impulsive actions. A divine impression is a growing, constant awareness that God wants us to do something, not usually some split-second impression that may be here today and gone tomorrow.
PRINCIPLE 2—COUNSEL
4. How does God balance our convictions to help us avoid wrong decisions?
“Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety” (Prov. 11:14).
“Without counsel, plans go awry, but in the multitude of counselors they are established” (Prov. 15:22).
God provides us with ______________________________________ to help us make good
decisions. If we are wise we will seek out godly counselors in the significant decisions we make.
decisions. If we are wise we will seek out godly counselors in the significant decisions we make.
PRINCIPLE 3—PROVIDENCE
5. As we seek God for guidance in prayer and are open to godly counsel, what specific instruction does God give for knowing His will?
“My son, give me your heart, and let your eyes observe my ways” (Prov. 23:26).
“Come and see the works of God; He is awesome in His doing toward the sons of men” (Ps. 66:5).
God invites us to ________________________ His ways and __________________His works.
When we seek His will, God’s providence will operate in our lives. As we look for doors He opens and observe His ways we will discover His will.
PRINCIPLE 4—THE WORD
6. What illustration did the psalmist use to describe God’s Word as a source of God’s guidance?
“Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path” (Ps. 119:105).
The principles of God’s Word are like a ___________________ and a ____________________ .
God’s will never leads us to where God’s Word is not guiding us. If we make decisions that lead us contrary to God’s Word, we can be certain they are our own decisions and not His. One overriding principle in discerning God’s will is the willingness to do whatever it leads us to do (Ps. 40:8; Matt. 26:39; Heb. 10:7). Another way we can be sure we are following God’s will and not our own is if we are willing to give up the very things we long for the most in order to put God’s will first. Only as we surrender our decisions and their outcomes to Him will we be certain of His guidance.
God longs to guide us. As we follow these biblical principles of guidance, we will make good decisions to the glory of His name, and our lives will be blessed. 
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