No One Is Born Into Success

Twelve Things Successful People Do Differently

Most Successful people were not born into success; they simply did, and continue to do, things that help them realize their full potential.  Here are twelve things they do differently that the rest of us can easily emulate.

1.  They create and pursue S.M.A.R.T. goals.

Successful people are objective.  They have realistic targets in mind.  They know what they are looking for and why they are fighting for it.  Successful people create and pursue S.M.A.R.T. goals.

S.M.A.R.T. goals are Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Timely.  Let’s briefly review each:

• Specific – A general goal would be, “Get in shape.” But a related specific goal would be, “Join a health club and workout 3 days a week for the next 52 weeks.”  A specific goal has a far greater chance of being accomplished because it has defined parameters and constraints.
• Measurable – There must be a logical system for measuring the progress of a goal.  To determine if your goal is measurable, ask yourself questions like:  How much time? How many total?  How will I know when the goal is accomplished? etc.  When you measure your progress, you stay on track, reach your target dates, and experience the exhilaration of achievement that spurs you on to continued efforts required to reach your goal.
• Attainable – To be attainable, a goal must represent an objective toward which you are both willing and able to work.  In other words, the goal must be realistic.  The big question here is:  How can the goal be accomplished?
• Relevant – Relevance stresses the importance of choosing goals that matter.  For example, an internet entrepreneur’s goal to “Make 75 tuna sandwiches by 2:00PM.” may be Specific, Measurable, Attainable, and Timely, but lacks Relevance to an entrepreneurs overarching objective of building a profitable online business.
• Timely – A goal must be grounded within a time frame, giving the goal a target date.  A commitment to a deadline helps you focus your efforts on the completion of the goal on or before the due date.  This part of the S.M.A.R.T. goal criteria is intended to prevent goals from being overtaken by daily distractions.

When you identify S.M.A.R.T. goals that are truly important to you, you become motivated to figure out ways to attain them.  You develop the necessary attitude, abilities, and skills.  You can achieve almost any goal you set if you plan your steps wisely and establish a time frame that allows you to carry out those steps.  Goals that once seemed far away and out of reach eventually move closer and become attainable, not because your goals shrink, but because you grow and expand to match them.

2.  They take decisive and immediate action.

Sadly, very few people ever live to become the success story they dream about.  And there’s one simple reason why:

They never take action!

The acquisition of knowledge doesn’t mean you’re growing.  Growing happens when what you know changes how you live.   So many people live in a complete daze.  Actually, they don’t ‘live.’  They simply ‘get by’ because they never take the necessary action to make things happen – to seek their dreams.

It doesn’t matter if you have a genius IQ and a PhD in Quantum Physics, you can’t change anything or make any sort of real-world progress without taking action.  There’s a huge difference between knowing how to do something and actually doing it.  Knowledge and intelligence are both useless without action.  It’s as simple as that.

Success hinges on the simple act of making a decision to live – to absorb yourself in the process of going after your dreams and goals.  So make that decision.  And take action. 

3.  They focus on being productive, not being busy.

In his book, The 4-Hour Workweek, Tim Ferris says, “Slow down and remember this:  Most things make no difference.  Being busy is often a form of mental laziness – lazy thinking and indiscriminate action.”  This is Ferris’ way of saying “work smarter, not harder,” which happens to be one of the most prevalent modern day personal development clichés.  But like most clichés, there’s a great deal of truth to it, and few people actually adhere to it.

Just take a quick look around.  The busy outnumber the productive by a wide margin.

Busy people are rushing all over the place, and running late half of the time.  They’re heading to work, conferences, meetings, social engagements, etc.  They barely have enough free time for family get-togethers and they rarely get enough sleep.  Yet, business emails are shooting out of their smart phones like machine gun bullets, and their daily planner is jammed to the brim with obligations.

Their busy schedule gives them an elevated sense of importance.  But it’s all an illusion.  They’re like hamsters running on a wheel.

The solution:  Slow down.  Breathe.  Review your commitments and goals.  Put first things first.  Do one thing at a time.  Start now.  Take a short break in two hours.  Repeat.

And always remember, results are more important than the time it takes to achieve them.

4.  They make logical, informed decisions.

Sometimes we do things that are permanently foolish simply because we are temporarily upset or excited.

Although emotional ‘gut instincts’ are effective in certain fleeting situations, when it comes to generating long-term, sustained growth in any area of life, emotional decisions often lead a person astray.  Decisions driven by heavy emotion typically contain minimal amounts of conscious thought, and are primarily based on momentary feelings instead of mindful awareness.

The best advice here is simple:  Don’t let your emotions trump your intelligence.  Slow down and think things through before you make any life-changing decisions.

5.  They avoid the trap of trying to make things perfect.

Many of us are perfectionists in our own right.  I know I am at times.  We set high bars for ourselves and put our best foot forward.  We dedicate copious amounts of time and attention to our work to maintain our high personal standards.  Our passion for excellence drives us to run the extra mile, never stopping, never relenting.  And this dedication towards perfection undoubtedly helps us achieve results…  So long as we don’t get carried away.

But what happens when we do get carried away with perfectionism?

We become disgruntled and discouraged when we fail to meet the (impossibly high) standards we set for ourselves, making us reluctant to take on new challenges or even finish tasks we’ve already started.  Our insistence on dotting every ‘I’ and crossing every ‘T’ breeds inefficiency, causing major delays, stress overload and subpar results.

True perfectionists have a hard time starting things and an even harder time finishing them, always.  I have a friend who has wanted to start a graphic design business for several years.  But she hasn’t yet.  Why?  When you sift through her extensive list of excuses it comes down to one simple problem:  She is a perfectionist.  Which means she doesn’t, and never will, think she’s good enough at graphic design to own and operate her own graphic design business.

Remember, the real world doesn’t reward perfectionists.  It rewards people who get things done.  And the only way to get things done is to be imperfect 99% of the time.  Only by wading through years of practice and imperfection can we begin to achieve momentary glimpses of the perfection.  So make a decision.  Take action, learn from the outcome, and repeat this method over and over again in all walks of life. 

6.  They work outside of their comfort zone.

The number one thing I persistently see holding smart people back is their own reluctance to accept an opportunity simply because they don’t think they’re ready.  In other words, they feel uncomfortable and believe they require additional knowledge, skill, experience, etc. before they can aptly partake in the opportunity.  Sadly, this is the kind of thinking that stifles personal growth and success.

The truth is nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises.  Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow emotionally and intellectually.  They force us to stretch ourselves and our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.  And when we don’t feel comfortable, we don’t feel ready.

Significant moments of opportunity for personal growth and success will come and go throughout your lifetime.  If you are looking to make positive changes and new breakthroughs in your life, you will need to embrace these moments of opportunity even though you will never feel 100% ready for them.

7.  They keep things simple.

Leonardo da Vinci once said, “Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.”  Nothing could be closer to the truth.  Here in the 21st century, where information moves at the speed of light and opportunities for innovation seem endless, we have an abundant array of choices when it comes to designing our lives and careers.  But sadly, an abundance of choice often leads to complication, confusion and inaction.

Several business and marketing studies have shown that the more product choices a consumer is faced with, the less products they typically buy.  After all, narrowing down the best product from a pool of three choices is certainly a lot easier than narrowing down the best product from a pool of three hundred choices.  If the purchasing decision is tough to make, most people will just give up.  Likewise, if you complicate your life by inundating yourself with too many choices, your subconscious mind will give up.

The solution is to simplify.  If you’re selling a product line, keep it simple.  And if you’re trying to make a decision about something in your life, don’t waste all your time evaluating every last detail of every possible option.  Choose something that you think will work and give it a shot.  If it doesn’t work out, learn what you can from the experience, choose something else and keep pressing forward.

8.  They focus on making small, continuous improvements.

Henry Ford once said, “Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small pieces.” The same concept configured as a question:  How do you eat an elephant?  Answer: One bite at a time.  This philosophy holds true for achieving your biggest goals.  Making small, positive changes – eating a little healthier, exercising a little, creating some small productive habits, for example – is an amazing way to get excited about life and slowly reach the level of success you aspire to.

And if you start small, you don’t need a lot of motivation to get started either.  The simple act of getting started and doing something will give you the momentum you need, and soon you’ll find yourself in a positive spiral of changes – one building on the other.

Start with just one activity, and make a plan for how you will deal with troubles when they arise.  For instance, if you’re trying to lose weight, come up with a list of healthy snacks you can eat when you get the craving for snacks.  It will be hard in the beginning, but it will get easier.  And that’s the whole point.  As your strength grows, you can take on bigger challenges.

9.  They measure and track their progress.

Successful people are not only working in their job/business, they are also working on it.  They step back and assess their progress regularly.  They track themselves against their goals and clearly know what needs to be done to excel and accelerate.

You can’t control what you don’t properly measure.  If you track the wrong things you’ll be completely blind to potential opportunities as they appear over the horizon.  Imagine if, while running a small business, you made it a point to keep track of how many pencils and paperclips you used.  Would that make any sense?  No!  Because pencils and paperclips are not a measure of what’s important for a business.  Pencils and paperclips have no bearing on income, customer satisfaction, market growth, etc.

The proper approach is to figure out what your number one goal is and then track the things that directly relate to achieving that goal.  I recommend that you take some time right now to identify your number one goal, identify the most important things for you to keep track of, and then begin tracking them immediately.  On a weekly basis, plug the numbers into a spreadsheet and use the data to create weekly or monthly trend graphs so you can visualize your progress.  Then fine-tune your actions to get those trends to grow in your favor.

10.  They maintain a positive outlook as they learn from their mistakes.

Successful people concentrate on the positives – they look for the silver lining in every situation.  They know that it is their positivity that will take them to greatness.  If you want to be successful, you need to have a positive outlook toward life.  Life will test you again and again.  If you give in to internal negativity, you will never be able to achieve the marks you have targeted.

Remember, every mistake you make is progress.  Mistakes teach you important lessons.  Every time you make one, you’re one step closer to your goal.  The only mistake that can truly hurt you is choosing to do nothing simply because you’re too scared to make a mistake.

So don’t hesitate – don’t doubt yourself!  Don’t let your own negativity sabotage you.  Learn what you can and press forward.

11.  They spend time with the right people.

Successful people associate with people who are likeminded, focused, and supportive.  They socialize with people who create energy when they enter the room versus those who create energy when they leave.  They reach out to connected, influential individuals who are right for their dreams and goals.

You are the sum of the people you spend the most time with.  If you hang with the wrong people, they will negatively affect you.  But if you hang with the right people, you will become far more capable and successful than you ever could have been alone.  Find your tribe and work together to make a difference in all of your lives.  

12.  They maintain balance in their life.

If you ask most people to summarize what they want out of life they’ll shout out a list of things like: ‘fall in love,’ ‘make money,’ ‘spend time with family,’ ‘find happiness,’ ‘achieve goals,’ etc.  But sadly, a lot of people don’t balance their life properly to achieve these things.  Typically they’ll achieve one or two of them while completely neglecting the rest. 

When you let your work life (or social life, family life, etc.) consume you, and all your energy is focused in that area, it’s extremely easy to lose your balance.  While drive and focus are important, if you’re going to get things done right, and be truly successful, you need to balance the various dimensions of your life.  Completely neglecting one dimension for another only leads to long-term frustration and stress.

Food Pyramid

The Vegan Food Pyramid...

Forget Your Troubles

Here Are Tips For Forgetting Your Troubles

1.     Shove the thought away. When you are reminded of something you don’t want to think about, just refuse to go there. Let your mind go blank rather than allowing it to make the connection. Sound ridiculously simple? Research shows that many, if not most, of us can will ourselves to forget in this way. The engine of such suppression is your prefrontal cortex—the same region of the brain that puts brakes on inappropriate actions. But just as some people are better at blocking bad behavior than others, some are more proficient at memory suppression than others. If you turn out to have loose reins on your brain, you might need to practice or to use one of the other tricks.

2.     Push it back again—and again. If you want to boost your chances of forgetting something for good, shove it out of consciousness on a daily basis. In a month, it might be gone, if modern psychology experiments are any guide. (Freud argued that such repressed memories would come back to haunt us, but the jury is still out on this idea.) Over a longer period, practicing this mental block might hone your skill. People who have had to frequently block a traumatic memory—loss of a parent, say, or their house burning down—to prevent it from overwhelming them score higher on tests of memory suppression than do people who have been lucky enough to have avoided significant suffering. One explanation for this result is that practicing suppression over the years makes you better at it.

3.     Think of something else. Rather than just willing an upsetting memory into the dustbin, replace it with a nicer idea. So if seeing a Hawaiian lei reminds you of your ex drunk at a party, try to link the lei with images of a sandy beach instead. People who struggle to block memories—a group that usually includes people who tend toward rumination or who suffer from depression—have more success forgetting unwanted recollections if they find good substitutes for what they want to put out of their minds.

4.     Prepare for shutdown. Thinking about the need to block associations ahead of time can boost your ability to do just that. Even a second of advance warning can give your brain added inhibitory power, research suggests. So if you have to see someone who you think might bring back a difficult period in your life, tell yourself before the date that you’ll be halting these thoughts before they reach consciousness. The mental barricades you erect will be sturdier with a little advance notice.

5.     Just do it. When you sense a reminder of something bad coming on, do something to distract you. Anything. Pick up the phone. Walk around the block. Stomp your foot. Say hello to a passerby. In one study, scientists found that pressing an enter key at the moment of recall triggered forgetting.

6.     Study. If your mind is awash in clutter, one of the best ways to clear it out is to reinforce what you do want to keep. When you study particular information, to learn it better, you automatically forget closely related material. This phenomenon, called retrieval-induced forgetting, efficiently tidies your mental closet.

7.     See it another way. Sometimes we are upset because we are interpreting a particular situation in the worst possible light. If you can find way to see the same experience more positively, you may be inadvertently inducing forgetting. That is, by reinforcing the positive you are automatically toning down the negative in your mind.

8. Walk through a doorway. Remarkably, this simple act closes the door on what happened just before.

Great Family Habits

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

( Stephen Covey husband, father, grandfather and author of the number-one best-seller The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, shares secrets to building a strong, close family )

HABIT 1: BE PROACTIVE 

It is so easy to be reactive! You get caught Lip in the moment. You say things you dot* mean. You do things you later regret. And you think, "If only I had stopped to think about it, I never would have reacted that way!" 
Family life would be a whole lot better if (people acted according to their values instead of reacting to the emotion or circumstance of the moment It's possible to develop a habit of learning to pause and give wiser responses. Proactively is the ability to act rather than react. I have a friend who makes a powerful proactive choice every day. When she comes home from work, she sits in her car in the driveway and pauses. She takes a minute to think about the members of her family and what they are doing inside the house She considers what kind of feeling she wants to help create when she goes, inside. She says to herself, "my family is the most enjoyable, the most pleasant, the most important part of my life. I'm going to go into my home and feel and communicate my love for them." Just think of the difference this makes in her family. And another friend told me this story, which shows Habit 1 in action:While my wife was out of the room, my three-year-old son Brenton emptied a one-and-a-half-gallon jug of water from the fridge-most of it onto the kitchen floor. My wife's initial reaction had been to yell at him. Instead, she stopped herself and said patiently, "Brenton, what were you trying to do?" "I was trying to be a helping man, Mom," he replied proudly. "What do you mean?" she asked. "I washed the dishes for you." Sure enough, there on the kitchen table were all the dishes he had washed with the water from the jug.
"Well, honey, why did you use the water from the fridge?"
"I couldn't reach the water from the sink."
"Oh!" my wife said. Then she looked around. "Well, what do you think you could do next time that would make less of a mess?"
He thought about it for a minute. Then his face lit up. "I could do it in the bathroom!"
"The dishes might break in the bathroom," she replied. "But how about this? What if you came and got me and I helped you move a chair in front of the kitchen sink so you could do the work there?" "Good idea!" he exclaimed. As my wife was telling me what had happened, I realized how important it was that she had been able to catch herself between stimulus and response. She had made a proactive choice.
One useful way to communicate the idea of proactivity is through an analogy I call the "emotional bank account." This account is like a financial one in that you can make "deposits"-things that build trust in the relationship-or "withdrawals" - things that decrease the level of trust. The balance in the account determines how well you can communicate and solve problems with another person.
One of the great benefits of being proactive is that you can choose to make deposits instead of withdrawals. No matter what the situation, there are always things you can choose to do that will make relationships better.
Little kindnesses go a long way toward building relationships of trust and unconditional love. just think about the impact in your own family of saying "thank you," "please" or "you go first." Or performing unexpected acts of service such as phoning to see if there's anything you can pick up at the store on your way home. Twelve hugs a day-that's what people need. Hugs can be physical, verbal, visual or environmental. And each one is a deposit in the emotional bank account.
You would be hard pressed to come up with a deposit that has more impact than making and keeping promises. just think about it! How much excitement, anticipation and hope is created by a promise?
Our daughter Cynthia shared this memory:
When I was twelve, Dad promised to take me with him on a business trip to San Francisco. I was so excited! After Dad's meetings, we planned to go to Chinatown for dinner, see a movie, take a ride on a trolley car, then go back to our hotel room for hot fudge sundaes from room service. I was dying with anticipation.
The day finally arrived. The hours dragged by as I waited at the hotel. Finally, at 6:30 p.m., Dad returned with a dear friend and influential business acquaintance. My heart sank as this man said, "I'm so delighted to have you here, Stephen. Tonight, Lois and I would like to take you to the wharf for a seafood dinner, and then you must see the view from our house." I could see my hopes and plans going down the drain.
I will never forget the feeling I had when Dad said, "Gosh, Bill, I'd love to, but this is a special time with my daughter. We've already got it planned to the minute."
We did absolutely everything we had planned. I don't think any young girl ever loved her father as much as I loved mine that night. 
HABIT 2: BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND 
With Habit 2, you create a clear, compelling vision of what your family is-and where you want to go together. The most profound, significant and far-reaching application of Habit 2 is the family mission statement. This is a combined, unified expression from all family members of what it is your family really wants to do and be-and the principles you choose to govern your family life. When children are young, they generally love to be included in the process of creating a mission statement. They love helping to create something that gives them this sense of family identity.
Our daughter Catherine, who's now grown and has children of her own, said:
Before my husband and I were married, we talked about what we wanted our home to be like, especially when we had children. It was out of these discussions that we wrote our family mission statement.
We have three children now, and although our mission statement has remained fundamentally the same, it has changed a little with each child. After we had two children, we had more perspective, and we were able to realize better how we wanted to raise our kids together-how we wanted them to be upstanding citizens in the community and so on.
The children have added things to our mission statement as well. Our oldest is six. She wants to make sure we tell lots of jokes in our family, so we have added that in for her.
Every New Year's Eve we work on our mission statement and write out our goals for the coming year. Our kids are very excited about the whole process. We post our mission statement and the children refer to it often. They say, "Mom, you're not supposed to raise your voice. Remember-'happy, cheerful tones in our home."' It's a big reminder.
Here's how to create a mission statement in your family.
Step One: Explore what your family is all about. Call a family meeting to introduce the idea and start the process. Keep it short: Ten fun minutes a week over a period of several weeks will be much more effective than one or two long, philosophical discussions. Be explicit with the idea that you want the mission statement to serve as a unifying and motivating influence for everyone in the family. Ask questions such as: What things are truly important to us as a family? What are our family's highest priority goals? What kind of relationships do we want to have with each other? What are our responsibilities as family members? 
Step Two: Write your family mission statement. The process of writing crystallizes your thoughts and distills learning and insights into words. It also reinforces learning and makes the expression visible and available to everyone in the family.
Whatever you come up with at first will be a rough draft. Family members will need to work with it until everyone comes to an agreement: "This is our mission. We believe it. We buy into it. We are ready to commit to live it."
It doesn't have to be some magnificent verbal expression. It may be a word, a page, a document, even a song or a drawing. The only real criterion is that it represents everyone in the family and inspires you and brings you together.
Step Three: Stay on track. A mission statement is meant to be the constitution of your family life, the foundational document that will unify and hold your family together for decades-even generations-to come. One father told me: For our blended family, having a mission statement has been tremendously helpful. It gives us some common values and a common focus on where we're going. It reads: "Our family mission: To always be kind, respectful and supportive of each other, to be honest and open with each other, to keep a spiritual feeling in the home, to love each other unconditionally, to be responsible to live a happy, healthy and fulfilling life, to make this house a place we want to come home to."
We put the statement in a beautiful frame and hung it over the fireplace, and every week we have somebody share what one of those words or sentences means to him or her. It only takes two or three minutes, but it makes the mission statement come alive. We're also setting goals around the mission statement, making it a central part of our lives.
HABIT 3: PUT FIRST THINGS FIRST 
There's no way we can be successful in our families if we don't prioritize them in our lives. And this is what Habit 3 is about.
There is probably no single structure that will help you to prioritize more than a weekly family night. On a typical night in our own family over the years, we would review our calendar of upcoming events, hold a council to discuss issues and problems, have a talent recital so the kids could show us how they were coming along with their music or dance lessons, do a short lesson and a family activity and serve refreshments. In this way, we'd accomplish what we've come to feel are the four main ingredients of a successful family night: planning, problem-solving, teaching and fun.
The second absolutely foundational family structure is the one-on-one bonding time. These one-on-ones are where most of the real work of the family is done. This is where the most significant sharing, the most profound teaching, the deepest bonding takes place. A mother of five sons said: The other day, I took My 22-year-old son out to lunch. As we ate together, we talked about his life, including his classes at school, his plans for the future, and so on. We had a wonderful time just being together. As I thought about it later, 1 realized this is something that didn't just happen. I started this one on-one tradition when the boys were in elementary school, and it's really made a difference. I don't think I could have this kind of time with my son now if we hadn’t started doing it when he was younger 

HABIT 4 THINK "WIN-WIN" 

As we move toward our destination as a family, we're sometimes thrown off track by external forces. But the force that does the greatest damage is the climate created within the family by negative emotions-competition, criticism, blaming, anger.
The key to handling these challenges is to cultivate a family culture of mutual respect, understanding and creative cooperation. This is the essence of Habits 4, 5 and 6.
One father told this story: Our two boys were very competitive and squabbled frequently. Finally, I confronted the older boy about it. He abruptly announced, "The thing you don't get is that I can't stand my brother." 1 was shocked by the intensity of his feelings.
Then I asked the older boy to tell his brother what he'd told me. The younger boy was hurt by the cutting words. Blinking back tears, he looked down and quietly said, "Why?" His brother was quick with his answer: "Because you're always saying things that make me mad. I just don't want to be around you." The younger brother sighed. "I do that because every time we play a game you always win."
"Sure I do," the older boy quickly replied. "I'm better than you."
With that, the little boy could hardly speak. But he said, "Yeah, but every time you win, I lose. So I say things to bug you. I just cant stand to lose all the time."
These tearful words reached the heart of the older brother. The tone of his words softened as he said, "I'm sorry. But will you please just stop saying and doing the stupid things that make me so mad at you?"
"OK," the younger boy replied. "And will you stop feeling that you always have to win?"
I know I'll never forget my young son’s words. Losing all the time, or even most of the time, can make any of us say and do stupid things that bug others and even ourselves. No one likes to "lose" _especially in close family relationships. So win-win is the only solid foundation for effective family interaction. It's the only pattern of thinking and interacting that builds long-term relationships of trust and unconditional love. And all it takes to change the situation is for one person to think win-win. Thinking win-win means you have this spirit of win-win in all family interactions. You always want what's best for everyone involved.
Of course, there will be times when you'll have to say no to children. This doesn’t feel like a win to them. But if you cultivate the spirit of win-win whenever you can, children will better understand and accept those decisions that sometimes seem to them to be win-lose. There are several ways to achieve this.
* Let them win in the little things. In our family, if children want to go outside, get their clothes dirty or leave a cardboard fort in the house for weeks, we generally let them do it. We try to distinguish between matters of principle and matters of preference, and only take a stand on things that really count.
* Talk with them about the big things. That way they'll know you have their welfare in mind. Try to involve them in the problem and work out the solution together.
*Take steps to offset the competition focus. Recently, 1 went to watch our granddaughter play in an important soccer match, which ultimately ended in a tie. Her team was demoralized, and the coach was deeply disappointed also.
So I began to say enthusiastically, "Great game, kids! You had five goals-to try your best, to have fun, to work together as a team, to learn and to win. You accomplished four and a half of those goals. That's ninety Percent! Congratulations!"
You could just see their eyes brighten up. And it wasn't long until players, coach and parents were celebrating the four and a half goals these kids had achieved.
HABIT 5: SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND ... THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD 
There's simply no way to have rich, rewarding family relationships without real understanding. Most mistakes with our family members are not the result of bad intent. It's just that we don't understand. We don't see clearly into each other's hearts.
Really listening to get inside another person's mind and heart is called "empathic" listening. It enables you to see as someone else sees-and it also helps family members feel safe in sharing, gets to the real issues and helps people connect with their own unique gifts.
Suppose that for several days, your teenage daughter has seemed unhappy. One night, while you're washing dishes together, she finally begins to open up: "Our family rule that I cant date until I'm older is embarrassing me to death. All my friends are dating. I feel like I'm out of it."
An empathic response would attempt to reflect back what your daughter feels and says, so that she would feel that you really understand. For example: "You kind of feel torn up inside. You understand the rule, but you feel embarrassed when you have to say no to dates. Is that what you mean?"
She might say yes and go on deeper into her feelings. Or she may say,
"Well, not exactly. What I really mean is..." \When you give an understanding response, you make it safe for her to open up. You make it comfortable for her to air the problem so that together you can search for solutions. And you build the relationship.
There are other expressions of empathy besides summarizing and reflecting. Sometimes total silence may be empathic; sometimes a nod or a single word is empathic. Empathy is a very flexible, sincere and humble process.
But there's more to Habit 5. It doesn't mean seek only to understand. It simply means that you listen and understand first. This is the key to .being understood and influencing others. When you are open to their influence, you'll almost always have greater influence with them. One woman shared this: My husband and I did not see eye to eye on spending. He wanted to buy things I felt were unnecessary and expensive. 1 couldn't explain to him the pain I felt as our debt mounted.
Final I decided to find a different way to express myself and influence the situation. I realized that my husband sometimes just didn't see the connection between his spending decisions and their consequences. So when he said, "lt. would really be nice to have (something)," I'd say, "You know, it would. Let's see what would happen if we bought that." I would take out the budget and say, "Now if we spend this, we won't have money to do that." When he truly saw the consequences of spending decisions, he often came to the conclusion him self that we were better off not buying the item in question. I also discovered that with some of the purchases he wanted to make, the benefits really did outweigh the drawbacks.
When people know they will have an opportunity to be fully heard, they can relax. They don't have to become over-reactive, because they know that their time to be understood will come. This dissipates negative energy and helps people develop internal patience and self-control.
This is one of the great strengths of Habit 5. Remember, the key is in the sequence: First you seek to understand another person's point of view; then you share your own. It's not just what to do. It's also why and when.  
HABIT 6: SYNERGIZE 
Synergy is the magic that happens when one plus one equals three-or more. It comes out of the spirit of mutual respect and understanding you've created and produces a brand-new way to solve a problem.
A friend recently told me a story that captures the essence of Habit 6:
After one week of practice, my son wanted to quit the high school basketball team. I was very disappointed. I worried that if he quit basketball he would just keep quitting things. My son didn't want to hear me at all. I was so upset I walked away.
Over the next two days, I wondered just what had made him want to quit. Finally, I decided to talk to him again. [Habit 5: seeking to understand.] At first he didn't even want to discuss it, so I asked him about other things. After some time, he began to tear up and he said,
"Dad, I know you think you understand me, but you don't. No one knows how rotten I feel."
I replied, "Pretty tough, huh?" [Habit 5: empathic listening.]
He then literally poured his heart out. He expressed his pain at constantly being compared to his brothers and said he felt I favored them, He also told me about the insecurities he felt- not only in basketball, but in all areas of his life. And he said he felt that he and I had somehow lost touch with each other.
His words really humbled me. I had the feeling that what he said about the comparisons with his brothers was true. I acknowledged my sorrow to him [Habit 1: proactivity, and-with much emotion--I apologized.
But I also told him that I still thought he would benefit from being on the team. He listened patiently, but he would not budge from his decision. Finally, I asked him if he liked basketball. He said he loved it, but he disliked all the pressure associated with playing for the school team. He said that instead, he would really like to play for the church team-but that team's coach had just moved away.
I found myself feeling good about what he was saying. I was still a little disappointed that he wouldn't be on the school team, but I was glad that he still wanted to play [Habits 4 and 5: win-win thinking and effort to understand].
At that point, almost by magic, a new idea came into both of our minds at the same time. In unison we said, "I/You could coach the church team!" [Habit 6: synergy and a new alternative solution]. The weeks I spent as the coach of that team were among the happiest of my athletic experiences. And they provided some of my most memorable experiences as a father.
This father and son seemed locked in a win-lose situation. But then the father made an important shift. He sought to really understand his son. Together they came up with a better way-an entirely new solution that was a true win for both.
The key to synergy is to celebrate the difference. It's not enough to simply tolerate differences in the family. To have the kind of creative magic we're talking about, you must be able to say sincerely, "The fact that we see things differently is a strength-not a weakness-in our relationship."
Synergy also helps you to create a culture in which you can successfully deal with any challenge you might face. The culture created by Habits 4, 5 and 6 is like an immune system. It protects your family so that when mistakes are made, or when you get blindsided by some physical, financial or social challenge, you don't get knocked out. You can deal with whatever life throws at you and use it to make the family stronger.
HABIT 7: SHARPEN THE SAW 
If done properly, consistently and in a balanced way, Habit 7 will cultivate all of the other six habits and keep them strong and vibrant. How? Simply by using them in renewing activities-especially, family traditions. That's what we mean by "sharpening the saw."
Traditions give family members a sense of belonging, of being understood, of being supported, of being committed to something that's greater than self. And the family renews the emotional energy of a tradition every time they revisit it.
Think of all the opportunities for fulfilling traditions:
0 Family dinners. You may have only one good meal together each week, but if it is meaningful and fun, the family table can become more of an altar than an eating counter.
0 Family vacations. Planning for a vacation, anticipating it and thinking about it-as well as laughing about the fun times and the dumb times we had on past vacations-are enormously rewarding to our family. 
*Extended and intergenerational family activities. Aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and other extended family members can have a tremendous positive influence. Broaden almost any activity, such as Sunday dinner, to include them.   
*Worshipping together. Research shows that shared worship is one of the characteristics of healthy, happy families. It can create context, unity and mutual understanding- much in the same way that a family mission statement does.
*Serving together. This tradition can be tremendously renewing. Can you imagine anything more bonding, more unifying, more energizing than working together to accomplish something that is really meaningful and worthwhile?
*Working together. There are many ways to create the tradition of working together, at home or in a parent's place of business-and many benefits of doing it. Our daughter Catherine remembered:
One tradition we had in our family was the "ten-minute program." That meant that everyone would work really hard for ten minutes to clean up the house. We all knew that if we had eighteen hands working, it would go a lot faster than two.
We also had "work parties." We'd work really hard for three or four hours to get something done, but we'd have food and laugh and talk as we worked. We'd also do something fun after, like go to a movie. Everyone expected they'd have to work. It was just part of life. But it was so much better with these little treats. As your family works together on Habit 7 and all the other habits, remember: Like a new pair of glasses or a new, more accurate map-the 7 Habits framework can help you to see and communicate more clearly, and will help you to arrive where you, as a family, want to go.

The Greatest Gift

The Gift of a Lifetime
By Claire Cloninger & Kathy Frizzell 

Before I looked for You
You found me
Before I knew Your name
You knew mine
Before I spoke the prayer
Your precious gift was there
One I never thought I'd find

Chorus
The gift of a lifetime
That's what You gave
Your life as an offering
My life to save
Turning my song of tears
To an anthem of praise
For the gift that You gave
The lift of a lifetime.

It's more than just Your
Hand of blessing
It's who You are
Yourself that I need
And with an open heart
I now receive You Lord
And the life You bring to me

Chorus
The gift of a lifetime
That's what You gave
Your life as an offering
My life to save
Turning my song of tears
To an anthem of praise
For the gift that You gave
The gift of a lifetime
Into the pain that I
Thought I could hide
You brought the gift
Of Your very life

Chorus
The gift of a lifetime
That's what You gave
Your life as an offering
My life to save
Turning my song of tears
To an anthem of praise
For the gift that You gave
The gift that You gave

The gift of a lifetime
That's what You gave
Your life as an offering
My life to save
Turning my song of tears
To an anthem of praise
For the gift that You gave
Is the gift of a lifetime
I'll lift this anthem of praise
For the gift that You gave
The gift of a lifetime
A lifetime

Intresting Riddles

If you have it, you want to share it. If you share it, you don't have it. What is it? A secret. The more you have of it, the less you see. What is it? Darkness What book was once owned by only the wealthy, but now everyone can have it? You can't buy it in a bookstore or take it from a library. A telephone book. What gets whiter the dirtier that it gets? A chalkboard What happened in the middle of the twentieth century that will not happen again for 4,000 years? The year 1961 can be read upside down and that won't happen again until 6009! What has no beginning, end, or middle? A doughnut. What has to be broken before it can be used? An egg. What does no man want, yet no man wants to lose? Work - Employment How many bricks does it take to complete a building made of brick? Only one, the last one. What is everything to someone, and nothing to everyone else? Your mind. Big as a biscuit, deep as a cup, even a river can't fill it up. What is it? A kitchen strainer. What goes up and never comes down? Your age. What's the greatest worldwide use of cowhide? To cover cows. What's long and thin, covered in skin; red in parts, and put in tarts? Rhubarb. What has feet and legs, and nothing else? Stockings What is the moon worth? $1, because it has 4 quarters. What grows when it eats, but dies when it drinks? A candle. What stays where it is when it goes off? An alarm clock You heard me before, yet you hear me again. Then I die, 'til you call me again. What am I? An echo There is a man standing over a dead body in a coffin, and another man walks in and asks, who's in the coffin. The first man replies, brothers and sisters, I have none, but this man's father is my fathers son. Who's in the coffin? His son There are 2 guards. One tells the truth and one lies. There are also 2 doors. One leads to Heaven and the other leads to the devils playground. One guard is in front of each door. You can only ask the guards ONE question and you have to ask the same question to both guards. What you are trying to find out is which door leads to Heaven and which door leads to the devil's playground. Ask each one "What will the other one say is the door to heaven?" They should answer the same. Go in the opposite door they say. Two boxers are in a boxing match (regular boxing, not kick boxing). The fight is scheduled for 12 rounds but ends after 6 rounds, after one boxer knocks out the other boxer. Yet no man throws a punch. How is this possible? They were women boxing. A farmer had seventeen sheep, all but nine died, how many did he have left? 9 A man builds a house with all 4 sides facing south. A bear walks past the house. What color is the bear? Probably a white Polar Bear in the North Pole. A skin have I, more eyes than one. I can be very nice when I am done. What am I? A potato   Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain on Earth? Mt.Everest Can a man legally marry his widow's sister in the state of California? No, he's dead Clara Clatter was born on December 27th, yet her birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible? She lived in the southern hemisphere. He has married many women, but has never been married. Who is he? A preacher. How many of each animal did Moses take on the ark? Moses didn’t make the ark, Noah did. How many times can you subtract the number 5 from 25? Once, because after you subtract it's not 25 anymore. How much dirt is in a hole 4 feet deep and 2 feet wide? There is no dirt in a hole. I know a word of letters three, add two and fewer there will be. Few If a rooster laid a brown egg and a white egg, what kind of chicks would hatch? Roosters don't lay eggs. If two's company and three's a crowd, what are four and five? 9 If you were in a dark room with a candle, a woodstove, a match and a gas lamp which do you light first? The match If you were standing directly on Antarcticas South Pole facing north, which direction would you travel if you took one step backward? North Is an old hundred dollar bill better than a new one? No, I'd rather have $100 bill than a new $1 bill. No sooner spoken than broken. What is it? Silence or a promise. Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days; how many have 28? Every month has at least 28 days. Take off my skin -- I won't cry, but you will! What am I? An onion. The more it dries, the wetter it gets. What is it? A towel. The more you take, the more you leave behind. What are they? Foot steps. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13 sneakers. He has a wife and 2 kids. What does he weigh? Meat What can burn the eyes, sting the mouth, yet be consumed? Peppers What can go up a chimney down but can't go down a chimney up? An umbrella. What can go up and come down without moving? The temperature. What can pass before the sun without making a shadow? The Earth. What can you catch but not throw? A cold. What crime is punishable if attempted, but is not punishable if committed? Suicide What do the numbers 11, 69, and 88 all have in common? They can all be flipped and still be the same. What do you serve that you can't eat? A tennis ball or guests. What do you throw out when you want to use it, but take in when you don't want to use it? A fishing line. What goes up white and comes down yellow? An egg. What grows up while growing down? A plant. What one word has the most letters in it? Alphabet. What starts with a T, ends with a T, and has T in it? A teapot. What travels around the world yet stays in one corner? A stamp. What two words contain the most letters? post office What's the difference between here and there? The letter T. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white," or "The yolk of the egg is white?" Neither, because egg yolks are yellow. Which moves faster: heat or cold? Heat, because you can catch a cold. You answer me, although I never ask you questions. What am I? The telephone.  You can't keep this until you have given it. Your word. There is $21.00 in 1 dollar bills that has to be split evenly among the 2 fathers and 2 sons. How is this possible? There is only really three people...a grandfather, the father, and the father's son who each get $7. A Man walked up to his house and he heard his wife scream " John Don't do it!" and the man ran inside and saw his wife, dead on the floor. Around her was a Baker, Milkman, and a Doctor. The man goes up to the Milkman and says "U did It!". How did the man know he did it? The baker and the doctor were both women and John the milkman was the only guy. What do you call a country, where all the cars in it are pink? A pink carnation. There is an ancient invention still used in some parts of the world today that allows people to see through walls. What is it? A Window What question can someone ask all day long, always get completely different answers, and yet all the answers could be correct? "What time is it?" In a certain city, 5% of all the persons in town have unlisted phone numbers. If you select 100 names at random from that city's phone directory, how many people selected will have unlisted phone numbers? None. If their names are in the phone directory, they do not have unlisted phone numbers! There is a horse tied to a rope. The rope is 10 feet long. There is a bale of hay 23 feet in front of the horse. The horse is able to eat the hay, yet does not break the rope. How is that possible? The rope isn't tied to anything! After a man had been blindfolded, someone hung up his hat. The man walked 100 yards, turned around, and shot a bullet through his hat. How is such a feat possible? His hat was hung over the barrel of the rifle! At a posh restaurant I was having dinner with a noted historian. We were discussing the relative merits of Woodrow Wilson, when my friend turned to me and said, "I'll tell you all you need to know about the character of Woodrow Wilson. Why when he ran for president, his own mother didn't even vote for him!" "Is that true?", I asked. "Of course, it's true," he said. "I know whereof I speak." That ended the discussion. I didn't realize until I got home that, although my friend spoke the truth, I had been tricked. How had I been mislead? Of course Woodrow Wilson's mother did not vote for her son. She couldn't. Women didn't have the right to vote before 1920. How is it possible to shave three times a day and still grow a beard? If you were a barber, you could shave other men three times a day and still grow your own beard. A man fell off a 20-foot ladder and landed on the sidewalk, but he did not get hurt. Why not? He fell off the bottom rung! Why are 1980 pennies worth almost $20? 1,980 pennies equals $19.80, which is almost $20. Which is correct: 18 plus 19 is 36. Or 18 plus 19 are 36? Actually neither is correct - 18 plus 19 is 37! Is it physically possible for you to stand behind your mother, and for your mother to stand behind you at the same time? Yes, if you stand back to back. In a marathon race what does the winning runner lose? Their breath! Why didn't Beethoven finish the Unfinished Symphony? The Unfinished Symphony was started by Schubert, not Beethoven! What has holes but holds water? A sponge David's father has three sons : Snap, Crackle and _____ ? David What is harder to catch the faster you run? Your breath! What is the beginning of eternity, the end of time, and the beginning of every ending? The letter "E". What do some men have they don't want, but would not part it for a million dollars? A bald head. A hundred feet in the air, but it's back is on the ground. What is it? A centipede flipped over. A father's child, a mother's child, yet no one's son. A Daughter. Forward I am heavy, but backward I am not. What am I? Forward I am ton, backwards I am not. What do you fill with empty hands? Gloves What has a foot on each side and one in the middle? A yardstick. What kind of coat can be put on only when wet? A coat of paint. What object has keys that open no locks, space but no room, and you can enter but not go in A computer keyboard. What is once in a minute, twice in a moment, and never in a thousand years? The letter M.